Judgment Day Is Coming

Lest you think this post may actually be about the upcoming judgment day of Christ, it's not. It's a much lighter subject. A couple of things before I get going: 1.) Nolan's blog has been updated. 2.) Sorry I haven't posted in so long. Christmas traveling plus baby care makes it hard to get away sometime.

So what's this post about? I'm currently chilling in my home, just me and my new MP3 player, listening to all my hymns and rating them for my upcoming rankings (that frankly are for my own amusement as an excuse to use Excel at home). But nonetheless, it's only fair for my millions and millions of readers plus those who sing the songs to know how the songs will be judged. So I will explain myself now and hopefully get the rankings out no later than the end of next weekend.

Each song is rated on a 100 point scale - based on 6 categories (but with a chance for bonus points). The categories are lyrics (25 points), vocals (25 points), music (20 points), replayability (15 points), sound (10 points), and depth (5 points).

One bonus point is rewarded for each category, for the top song in that category. For example, the song that I say has the best lyrics gets the 25 points plus 1 bonus point. Songs will also be rewarded one bonus point for including the phrase "heavy-laden." Please note that I am by no means a music expert and all ratings are completely arbitrary.

Lyrics (25 Points): This is probably the most important thing considered in a good hymn. Let me perfectly clear here. Almost every song I listen to has great lyrics or I probably wouldn't be listening to it. With that said, I might give a song a 20/25 in lyrics, but it may still have good lyrics. There has to be some separation between songs here. What I'm looking for is first and foremost a biblical and God-glorifying song. Also, I like when the song lyrics aren't simply repetitive but have meaningful verses to go along with the chorus. A few well placed lines or a few great unique word choices may go a long way to a great rating. Sometimes, stripping lyrics from the Bible isn't even enough! I like originality too. Song with the best lyrics and that will receive one bonus point: A Debtor To Mercy Alone, Sandra McCracken, Indelible Grace I.

Vocals (25 Points): Wow, if you knew how bad of a vocalist I am, you wouldn't put much stock into what I say here. You know the guy on American Idol that sings so bad it makes the show and everyone makes fun of him? Yeah, that's me. But, I have an ear, and I like to think I know good vocals when I hear them. And since this is my blog, I get to judge the vocals too! It's probably unfair to most of the vocalists because I know what Ashley Spurling of Red Mountain Music sounds like. She's the best - hands down. And I heard her sing at my church once too. Unreal. Every song she sings as the lead vocalist will receive 25 points. There are a handful of others that get a 25, but for the most part, everyone is judged with her songs in mind. Songs that are more difficult to sing get that consideration. Song with the best vocals and that will receive one bonus point: Jesus, I Long For Thee, Red Mountain Church, The Gadsby Project.

Music (20 Points): I have a hard time with this one. Much like the vocals category, I am completely unqualified to judge what "good" music. I was the only kid in my 4th grade class to not try out for band. My reasoning? They didn't have the electric guitar..which sounded good to me, and I never gave it a chance. With that said, most of the songs get a rating in between 17-20 depending on what I think sounds the best. It's pretty much that simple. The fact that some of these guys wrote the music to these obscure lyrics just blows my mind. To me, that's like someone telling me that Albert Pujols batted .327 last year and having me reconstruct every pitch he saw from scratch. Impossible. So let's not dwell on the music too much. What is clear to me is that I favor the style of music from the Red Mountain Music CDs a little over the Indelible Grace CDs (by two biggest sources of music, 10 CDs in total). Song with the best music and that will receive bonus point: Come Heavy Laden, Red Mountain Church, This Breaks My Heart of Stone.

Replayability (15 Points): Yeah, I don't even think replayability is a word. But it means a lot to me when I rank these songs. When I make a top 50 list, I am seriously considering a desert island type of scenario -- that if I had only 50 hymns to listen to the rest of my life potentially, what 50 would I choose? Songs that received a 14 or 15 in this category, I can literally listen to 30 times in a row with getting tired of it. And I can listen to them every day without getting tired of the chorus nor having a desire to skip to the next song. I think this category really shows my preference and starts separating the best from the good. Some hymns got docked here because I have noticed myself skipping over them from time to time. Song with the best replayability and that will receive one bonus point: Jesus, I Long For Thee, Red Mountain Church, The Gadsby Project.

Sound (10 Points): Ah, the joys of my new Sony Walkman! The sound quality on those are great by the way. This category may be kind of lame, but I use it to separate two types of songs: those with the wow factor and those with the what? factor. Some songs simply have a great sound to them (which is usually a factor of the vocals and the music). Some songs have a weird combination of music and vocals or some might just not have the sound quality as others. Some songs are a little hard to hear clearly. This is only worth 10 points, and most songs pulled a 9. I think newer CDs have an unfair advantage here, but it's alright. Sometimes, the vocals are so good that any decent music causes a great sound. Song with the best sound and that will receive one bonus point: Jesus, I Long For Thee, Red Mountain Church, The Gadsby Project.

Depth (5 Points): This might be confusing. Sometimes, a song just doesn't have a lot of depth. Perhaps it's only one verse and a chorus, or perhaps the meaning isn't really that deep. So I can kill two birds with one stone. Really short songs just don't have the impact they need to be high on the top 50 list. Songs that just scratch the surface don't either. Here's where I can separate some songs. Most songs will get a 4 here...with a few 3s here and there. A few of the really deep songs will get a 5. Song with the most depth and that will receive one bonus point: In the Secret of His Presence, Sandra McCracken, The Builder and the Architect.

Am I crazy for giving songs with "heavy laden" in the lyrics an extra bonus point? Yeah probably, but like I said before, this is mainly being done for my own amusement. One of these days, maybe people will start sending me free hymn CDs to listen to.